"Oh dear me!" shouted Brody Dharma to the marble diamond hall, his gecko eyes spinning in shock as the ghostly forms of Geisel and Theodor circled over the sticky yellow remains of Queen Buzz. "Fish! Please! Contain yourselves!"
"Tyrant!" flared out Geisel angrily, telepathically sharing horrific images of a watery world overrun by a swarm of monstrous bees.
"Slaver!" thundered out Theodor darkly, psychically blinding everyone with painful sensations of piercing stings and stretching muscles and twisting bones.
With a teeth-shaking clatter, a mass of rusty machinery in a vaguely bipedal form lurched at the circling sealife and, to their spectral surprise, managed to grab a hold of both of them with fat iron clamps. They flailed and shook, going transparent and intangible, but the bandaged robot managed to keep a grip on the pair.
With popping feedback, the mechanical Emporer-M spoke in sharp staccato syllables. "Battle-calculation-function-results, you-can-end-clause-your-escape-attempt-while-loops, end-statement. I-have-your-post-mortem-file-structures-trapped-with-a-buffered-sound-file, end-statement. Do-not-make-me-delete-you, end-statement, end-sub-routine."
The ghost fish shook violently, trying to get free of the undead automaton's hold. They flared their gills, stared at the metal with cold white eyes, and channeled concentrated thoughts in hopes of overwhelming his programming. But the pschent crown hovering over it's head crackled with hieroglyphic-shaped electricity, and his clamps clamped down harder on the fish, scales popping off their middles.
"Impossible!" cried out Geisel. "You can't hold us! We've shed our bodies! We've become free!"
"The-us-me-inclusive-clause-mummy-machines-of-planet-designate-m-have-also-been-life-cycle-completed-and-backup-restored, end-statement. There-is-no-freedom-from-system-required-responsibilities, end-statement. There-is-no-freedom-from-system-required-consequences, end-statement, end-subroutine."
Theodor looked across the great hall at the Super Wizard From Space, hoping for some assistance. But the wizard only frowned and crossed his arms.
A single keen note nearly deafened everyone in the room as Brody Dharma strongly struck his small silver gong. It seemed to reverberate through every atom in their bodies, a vibrating pain that paralyzed them until the tone faded away.
"Even the most violent storms must eventually put aside their clouded fury and re-become the calm skies," preached Brody Dharma, descending from the spiral stairway. He tucked away his silver gong within his orange robes. His usually jovial face had the stern look of a displeased professor. "I remind you that, though you are welcome visitors upon the planet Amity, you are guest under the roof of the Invisible Monks. My roof. And while under my roof, I must insist that you maintain the civilized manners expected of your stations.
"Otherwise... well... my fellow monks may take offense."
With a repeated hup-hup-hup, all edges of the hall were quickly filled with bald men in similarly simple robes. They surrounded the space-champions, giving them ample room but not allowing any exit. In a single synchronized motion, they performed a series of martial art poses, ending in strong battle stances.
The Secret Living Language, having silently been watching up until now, cleared his throat-synonyms and said, "There has been an abridgment of impairment to our monosaccharide associate. She is heretofore aggrandizing upwards and convalescing conclusively."
As everyone watched, the puddles of yellow gel all gathered themselves up into one large pile and, with sparks moving at sharp right angles, started to rise up. Through the clear substance they could see wax circuitry form and disappear as the gel reformed the tall regal woman it used to be. Queen Buzz blinked slowly for a moment, as if recovering from a momentary lapse, then looked about.
Seeing the mummy machine coldly crushing the phantasmal fish, she only waved dismissively in it's direction. "Pleasze, M, you may releasze them. We are unharmed. Thisz isz not our true form. We are not even here, chooszing to participate by long-disztance communication. And asz you can szee, the transzmisszion technology in this honey-baszed hologram has easzily repaired itszelf."
Emperor-M considered the variables for a second, then, after an assuring nod from Queen Buzz, opened his hand-clamps. Geisel and Theodor darted away, choosing to circle near the ceiling far out of reach.
Brody Dharma clapped his hands joyfully, and all the monks relaxed their stances. "Ho ho ho, isn't that much better?"
The two ghost fish kept circling as far out of reach as they could, only risking a short dive to toss a wide thought of disgust down at the gel form.
"Oppressor," spat out the red fish.
"Fiend," spat out the blue fish.
If the slurs bothered Queen Buzz, she did not show it, instead choosing to ignore it with practiced dignity.
"Now now," chided Brody Dharma with a waggle of a suckered finger. "Your disagreement with her majesty is not the reason you are here. I have invited you all once again to the fractal hall to discuss our cosmic tournament with the Super Wizard From Space.
"When the great super-civilizations gathered here previously, we were on the verge of super-space-war. The last space-time such a conflagration engulfed the universe, it resulted in the loss of a handful of galactic superclusters and the imprisonment of an entire branch of quantum probability. What could have been the rise of an eighth super-civilization instead became our greatest space-shame. { Crisis Of The Super Warlocks #1-6 }
"It was for that reason the tradition of the space-champions were created. And it was to avert another universe-spanning tragedy that, in this most recent emergency, the Invisible Monks suggested the cosmic tournament. Better a single melted snowflake than a crashing avalanche.
"However, since that pact, the Super Wizard From Space has been attacked twice. Not to the four rules agreed upon by our great and mighty races, but with trickery and lies. So sad. Tsk tsk.
"I have already spoken to Queen Buzz and she has assured me the drones that ambushed the super wizard did so of their own volition. Loyalty and ambition tempered into fanatical disobedience, a sword forged too roughly. And the Super Devil... well, it seems the currish nature of his multi-level hell-realms have unsurprisingly turned on him. But as master hero of planet Amity and space champion of the Invisible Monks, I can brook no more of these dishonorable actions."
The Secret Living Language boomed in a thousand different angry syllables. "What veraciously are you adducing, cenobite?"
The gauge wrappings tightened as Emperor-M rose to it's full height, an intimidating electric glow coming from within it's casings. "Are-you-trying-to-claim-some-authority-libraries-that-we-have not-version-control-merged-into-your-branch, end-query?"
The Invisible Monks that ringed the fractal hall stiffened, decades of practice echoing in frightfully quick reflexes. but Brody Dharma himself made no sudden movements, instead smiling with humor. "Oh, of course not. Even the most saintly of brows will collapse under the weight of too many halos. But I must insist that we ensure we are participating in our agreement rather than trying skirting it. As space champions of our super civilizations, it is our moral responsibility to uphold The Rules.
"In that vein, I officially agree to be witness to the challenge between the Super Wizard From Space and Sharkasaurus Rex. And I will continue to be witness to any further challenges in this cosmic tournament, as long as it is feasible."
Upon speaking the words, all the cosmic crowns floating over the space champions heads flared with energy.
A ring of chains made of immense unknowable power formed a ring around each individual, as if binding each of them to the agreement.
They seemed overly real and overly heavy, so much so that the single moment they appear seemed to drag down with cosmic weight.
Then, the crowns returned to normal and the chains disappeared.
Brody Dharma clapped, delighted at the spectacle. "Ho ho ho! Excellent!"
"Never before hasz thisz happened in our precensze," said Queen Buzz, the shock of the event breaking her stoney expression. "Never before hasz thisz happened in our hisztoriesz."
"I have avouched this kismet only once previously, when the diadems were initially distributed," said the Secret Living Language, not able to hide his awe.
The rainbow fish dipped down wide-eyed, curiosity overcoming their fear. "What? What was that? What happened?" asked Geisel.
"The cosmic crowns themselves have agreed to the first challenge! They will enforce the rules our super civilizations have agreed to," explained Brody Dharma. "All challenges must be accepted. All challeneges must be witnessed. All challenges cannot be interfered with. All challenges are won by aquiring the crowns.
"These are the four rules unbreakable rules we super champions are held to, And protected by. A fortress, only as strong as the foundation of trust it is built upon."
"All these rules?" asked the red fish nervously.
"All the crowns?" asked the blue fish grimly.
"Naturally," answered Brody Dharma.
"Oh no," muttered the Super Wizard From Space, suddenly making the same dangerous realization the ghostly fish were. "The infinite school."
From outside the fractal hall suddenly came a chaotic screaming. The entire peak seemed to shake with the force of a million stampeding feet, panic gripping the normally stoic religious men on the mountainous monestary. Dull warning echoed out through the maze-like halls as long unused alarm bells were banged desperately.
"Master hero! Master hero!" cried out a young boy, bursting into the hall, ignoring centuries of protocol and tradition in his desperation. "A thousand apologies, master hero! It's the fish! The fish have lost control!
"Sharkasaurus Rex is free!"