"The Tragedy Of Sharkasaurus Rex, Part 6"
by Wil Alambre
At the most perfect point on the equator stood the two tallest mountains of the
mist-covered world of Amity. Hanging between these two colossal peaks was a huge copper
gong, a full mile in diameter and suspended by an intricate network of criss-crossing
ropes and age-old knot-work. An incredibly long rope bridge spanned the gap, running along
the front of it, a barely invisible line against the instrument's massive metalwork. And
at the midpoint of this bridge, situated at the exact centre of the gigantic gong, a
nine-foot-tall lizard was having a surprisingly calm debate with a hovering super wizard.
Theodor circled the two vertically, trying to pay attention to the exchange, but his
attention was continually directed back down to the valley below, to the ethereal floor
of mist and fog that covered the surface of the planet, and the sheer size of the spectral
dorsal fin that cut through it. It was the size of a mountain itself, stretching over half
the height of the two peaks, and moving lazily. Sometimes it would sink down into the mist
and there would be a distant sound of screaming and crunching before it came up again.
"Sharkasaurus Rex is feeding on the simple people of this planet," said the Super Wizard
From Space, pointing to where a sticky-looking red hue spread in the red mist for a
space-minute before the fin moved on. "He's converting their psyches into spiritual mass,
growing exponentially. This incredible instrument is our only hope."
"But this is the Gong Ago, our most sacred relic!" explained Brody Dharma, the hectic spin
of his gecko eyes betraying his supposedly undisturbed demeanour. "It is priceless and
irreplaceable! It was constructed over half a million space-years ago by circular popes of
a two-dimensional flatland, and was presented as a gift to the first of my line, Sidney
Dharma!" { The Adventures of Buddy Dharma #8 }
"The great shark is impossible to stop in his phantasmal form. All my attacks pass right
through him with next to no effect. Only the faultless pitch produced by this gong will
shake his energies close enough to our material universe."
"But at the expense of this treasure? Is there no other way?" pleaded Brody Dharma.
The super wizard's fists clenched, his words coming out as a growl. "I didn't receive any
other helpful suggestions."
Theodor did a little flip in the air, looking back at the wounded mountain where Brody
Dharma's invisible monks made their monastery. In the distance, on the craggy side
somewhere, was a balcony with three other space-champions. Each of them the most powerful
representatives of their respective super-civilizations. Each of them wearing one of the
seven cosmic crowns, the most awesome artifacts in the known universe.
And each of them had flatly refused to assist the Super Wizard From Space.
The hovering super wizard watched the giant fin turn in an arc toward the two peaks. He
nodded glanced briefly at Theodor, then back to the fin. He clapped his hands together and
rubbed them, grinding in what little ambient moonlight there was in the night sky into his
palms. "I'll lure Rex here to the Gong Ago. When he's as close as possible, play the note.
When the sound makes him real, I'll strike the lethal blow, ending his menace forever."
Brody Dharma pulled out a diminutive rubber mallet from his robes, balancing it in his
palm. "We haven't found the correct frequency yet. It has eluded all my fellow monks, like
a single blade of grass in a wind-swept field. What if I do not find the tone?"
Without turning back, the super wizard replied, "Then your cosmic tournament has served
its purpose, I suppose." He then wrapped himself in a cocoon of star-light and shot like a
streak at Sharkasaurus Rex.
Brody Dharma and Theodor were left alone on the simple bridge, watching the streak of
light dive under the mist and erupt in a pale explosion at the dark shape of the ghostly
megalodon. The patient beast suddenly thrashed wildly at the annoyance, and even this far
away, the snapping of it's cavernous jaws where like booming explosions.
"I never believed that I would find myself presented with an ethical choice while standing
on such a perfect physical metaphor," said Brody Dharma to Theodor with a smile, tapping
the side of the rope bridge with his little hammer. "My father would be so jealous of such
a literary convergence."
"What to say? What to do?" asked Theodor in a stream of open thoughts. "The wizard cannot
hold out. Not against terrible Rex. Not against teeth. And hunger. And rage. This is what
they want. The others."
"The other space-champions maybe," agreed Brody Dharma, "but not me."
The point of light went out for a moment, then flared up again as a flat plane of stellar
power split the air. There was a sickening crack as the atmosphere was sliced as if with a
cleaver, then crashed back in on itself. A chaotic wind rushed out across the planet, like
the heavens thrashing blindly against a wound.
But the dark shape was unfazed. As the light of the super wizard started to speed back
toward the two peaks and the Gong Ago, the blackness in the fog rose up. Sharkasaurus Rex
was enormous now. Fat and strong on thousands of lives. Miles long and sleek in shape.
Frantic and furious in predatory nature. And it chased the little speck that kept trying
to blind it.
Brody Dharma made a polite wave-away motion at Theodor and readied his little rubber
mallet against the massive gong. Theodor did a last little circle around the invisible
monks' master hero and then swam away toward the mountain shrine. He circled the peak, as
if trying to find a good vantage point, and eventually went up to the very top. The summit
of the mountain ended with a short two story tower with a roof made of red clay tiles.
Flicking his tail and passing his ghostly body through the little building, he didn't see
anyone inside. He had the spot to himself.
From way up here, Theodor watched the wizard fly at the rope bridge. A relatively small
bubble of light, the air coning around his moving form.
The massive megalodon chased after him, rapidly closing the distance. Mouth open, waiting
to slam down on the wizard's tiny form. Dozens of rows of hundreds of teeth, each the size
of the building.
The space between them shrunk to nothing just as they reached the great musical
instrument.
A single crystal tone rung out.
The body of the great shark flickered. The shade became solid. The sudden mass causing a
momentary pit of gravity.
Primal base thoughts turned into a telepathic wave of surprise.
Then a deafening crash, metal slamming against bone, then weight against vacuum. The
displaced air became a explosion of clouds, a sudden violent hurricane.
Trees were blown out of their roots. Stones and boulders flung into the air. All the red
clay tiles blasted off the little roof.
Theodor was flung away, the rushing waves of sound and storm tossing him like the worst of
the old currents he used to swim in. But it ended as suddenly as it started, and he
righted himself, desperately looking at the valley.
The great gong was gone. The rope bridge was snapped.
But Sharkasaurus Rex remained, dashing onward. His course was outwards and erratic, but
his momentum seemed unhindered.
But where was Brody Dharma? Gone? Fallen? Theodor darted back and forth, trying to get a
glimpse of the gecko through the dirt and dust and debris still hanging in the air.
There! There, on a long frayed rope, waving madly on the wind. Brody Dharma ran along the
thin moving line! Faultlessly! Each footstep landing on the fragile cord with trained
confidence.
He ran up the twisting remains of the rope bridge until he reached the mountain, making a
leap to the rocky side. Fingers and toes splayed wide, he landed on all fours, a lizard
stuck flat against the vertical surface.
"Here! Up here!" called down Theodor. The martial master looked up and, seeing the ghost
fish, scrambled up the mountain with astonishing speed, all four limbs a blur. In mere
space-minutes he was at the peak and, with a graceful hop, he was on what remained of the
roof the little tower.
"A pox on my hesitation! A curse on my unsteady hand!" spit out Brody Dharma at himself.
"What? What happened?"
"I missed! I missed the tone! Rex wasn't real enough!" Brody Dharma stomped in place a
bit. "And now we've missed our chance. The Gong Ago is gone. Fallen into the valley."
"No! Not fallen! Look!" said Theodor in desperation, giving a psychic nudge to Brody
Dharma. Sharkasaurus Rex had turned, his mind now little but solid red rage at the
mountain. The beast blotted out half the sky with his great size, charging straight toward
them, intent on biting and cutting and eating all the little bits of troublesome meat.
And trapped in it's horrible mouth, in open jaws, a white speck reflected off flat copper
metal.
"He has it! Stuck fast!" shot out Theodor in green bright thoughts, a familiar exuberance
machine-gunning out of the little fist toward the lizard. "Rex took it with! The metal
didn't give! Hit it again!"
Brody Dharma reached up to his necklace and broke the string, freeing the fist sized
beads. He picked up a couple, feeling their balance and waiting his palms. "I still don't
know the note, as if blind with a new sheet of music." He juggled three of them for a
second, then dropped two, keeping a single bead.
"You tried to match the gong's tone to Rex's ghostly frequency! But look! The gong is
stuck in Rex's mouth! It's already at his frequency! You need only strike! You need only
play! You cannot miss the tone!"
As the beast rushed at them, it seemed to spot the little meat on the peak. A wash of
remembrance came from it, followed by a tide of anger.
It picked up speed, flexing it's power muscles, trying to bend the metal in it's mouth,
wanting to bite off the entire top of the mountain.
Brody Dharma spun the single glass sphere in one hand. He stared at it, then stared at the
engine of destruction charging at him. The cosmic crown that hovered over his gecko head
flared with erratic sparks, as if wanting to free a fury.
"I have been humiliated, my little fishy friend. By guests and by beasts. Like a mule,
stubbornly assisting and being taken advantage of. And though I religiously follow the
wondrous practices of ultra-zen, as taught by my father and his father and his father
before him, down the line of Dharma...
"Even my great calm is being swallowed whole by your teacher."
Theodor hung near Brody Dharma's feet. His sad blue thoughts were striped with dull hues
of acceptance. "This monster has nothing more to teach me."
Brody Dharma pulled his arm back. The sphere a light weight, ready and wanting to fly.
Sharkasaurus Rex increased his speed. The copper weakened, wanting to split and break. The
lizard monk waited, searching with wide eyes. The horror taking up his full field of
vision, he still looked.
And he saw it. Behind the metal. In the blackness of the vast gullet. Past fifty-five rows
of teeth. A point of defiant starlight.
"Smile, you son of a bitch," spat out Brody Dharma as he flung the sphere.
The glass bead shattered against the centre of the gong. A perfect pitch played out.
The great shark stalled in mid air. It's body flitted, the soundwaves washing over him and
pushing him out of his unreality into a suddenly solid state. It hung in the air a
split-second, a new weight that lost all momentum, as if the universe wasn't sure how to
deal with this new weight and mass.
Then the point of starlight slashed the flat of his palm. A long flat plane of stellar
light struck out from inside the mouth. A single sharp spin along the vertical axis and
the plane was a burning knife, bisecting the stunned beast.
There was a last distorted spatter of thought from the dying megalodon, a whispering
release from instinct. Then it was gone.
A monsoon of black red blood erupted from the wound, painting the mountain and the mist
and miles around. The corpse of Sharkasaurus Rex split evenly in two, and fell.
"Hurry, uni-scribe! We have less than one space-hour to get to the
negotiating table before the Great Disaster arrives!" The desperate uni-diplomat paced back and forth in the room. He kept
looking at the space-clock, watching the moments tick away and
whinnying quietly under his breath. The light in the room was starting
to fade away as ominous clouds rolled in, covered up the twin suns. It
was as if the very planet understood the impending doom and was losing
hope.
"Very well, we agree. A tournament, then, to end this rampage. But you have witnessed the power at his disposal. He has a billion billion years of our science-sorcery at his command. Will all you great super-civilizations commit your super-champions to this?"
On a distant world, a mummy-robot and a brown-robed monk silently made their way to the center of a blasphemous cathedral. Though the robot lurched ungainly, it's servos making an uneven whirring sound as they moved the broken machine through black-stone hallways, it held it's bandaged head high, the ghostly
Cocytus the demon-glacier had the Super Wizard From Space engulfed in its icy grasp, forever to be a frozen prisoner of the ninth circle of Hell. Meanwhile the victorious Devil stood atop the massive field of ice, grateful to be back home. The Devil tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and just basked
On a filthy cobblestone hell-road outside the infinite walls of Double-Dis, the Super Wizard From Space stared up at the triumphant face of the Super-Devil. The monster's massive grin dribbled thick lava as he shouted out "Hey there, jerks! Welcome to Double-Hell!"
In the ruins of an ancient city of pillars, an alien octopus pointed eight dangerous looking ray-guns at a white-bearded hermit. "You best be giving me that there data-cylinder, Gavrilo, or I'll vaporize you right where you stand, I done swear it!"
Two figures hurtled through a scarred green warp tunnel underneath the skin of the universe toward the lost planet of the silver skull machine. The Super Wizard From Space was leading the way, encased in a cocoon of hard light that protected him from the rigors of space travel. His companion, a filthy bearded hermit,
The Super Wizard From Space and the Hermit Wizard From Space were trapped in an asteroid belt by a swarm of gigantic space-bees! As it's fellow drones circled uniformly, one particularly grusome space-bee broken from the formation. It was as massive as any of the drifting asteroids, it's gigantic yellow black body big enough to drag smaller free-floating
A monstrously giant bee made of hollow electricity used its clawed legs to peel open the hull of the crashed rocket-ship. It glowed brightly with a pale light, partially transparent and seemingly fragile as it opened up the armored cockpit as if it was made of tinfoil. The ship's two occupants didn't even have a moment to shake off the shock before
The two super wizards stood stock still as the two floors of the building above them were eaten by the ghost of a cosmic megalodon. Bigger than a rocket-ship, it nonetheless hung effortlessly in the air, it's fifty-five rows of cleaver-like teeth surrounding their room as it floated vertically above them. The daylight of the alien sky shone
I am Theodor. I am a rainbow blue fish. I lived on a planet far away. Then I died. But that is was not the end. That was the beginning. I became a ghost. I became part of the infinite school. Thanks to wise Rex. This is the story of Rex. He is big fish. A big shark. Many sizes big. From a far away blue
It took nearly every ghost fish of the infinite school to confidently herd Sharkasaurus Rex into the depths of the invisible galaxy. The megalodon's monstrous instincts were near impossible to fully understand, a hundred million space-years of predatory instinct and insatiable hunger. The spectral school's entire telepathic concentration
"Oh dear me!" shouted Brody Dharma to the marble diamond hall, his gecko eyes spinning in shock as the ghostly forms of Geisel and Theodor circled over the sticky yellow remains of Queen Buzz. "Fish! Please! Contain yourselves!" "Tyrant!" flared out Geisel angrily, telepathically sharing horrific
"Master hero! Master hero!" cried out the young boy, frantic enough to ignore his disciplined training. "A terrible occurrence! The infinite school have lost their hold on their grisly teacher! The cosmic crown reacted suddenly and cut off their psychic leashes! Sharkasaurus Rex is loose!". The young boy wildly rang the same small gong all the monks in this
Geisel was gone, his phantasmal form torn apart in savage fury by the recently de-crowned Sharkasaurus Rex. The equally ethereal Theodor watched the entire sudden rending in still shock. As did the rest of the infinite school, millions of fellow ghost fish that had all gathered to psychically leash the mighty megalodon.
He was lying on the ground. Still at the top of the mountain
monastery. Yes, he was certain of it. There was no mistaking. He
remembered the feel of these particular stones. And the scent of that
particular moss. But he could not remember how he had came here. It
was like his mind was rattling around in his head while at the same
time trying to swell larger than his skull could contain.
I warned him not to use the Gong Ago, as the volume required from that sacred instrument would have unintended side effects. But like an old mule wearing ragged blinders, he rung it out anyway. And that powerful pitch has freed me and my like-minded brethren. My name is Andy Dharma. I am the master villain of the Invisible Monks.
In a clearing at the center, a nine-foot lizards bowed respectfully to his duplicate. He dressed the same way. He moved with the same simple grace. He stood with the same relaxed posture. And he looked back at him with the same calculating eyes, measuring the short distance between them, judging the smallest of movements.
"You are unbalanczed. You cannot be truszted with coszmic power." Her hand closed into a fist and squeezed. From every direction, the spectral fish tossed out their determination in crisscrossing grey lines, trying to ensnare his mind.
"Andy, don't do this," whispered Brody, "You can't." "Yes I can! Yes I will!" he shouted back at him. "No more bad habits disguised as tradition! No more of yesterday's rules deciding today's fate! I will show you what change can accomplish!" He spat on the floor in disgust, and backflipped off the balcony.
On the side of a small lake, a simple man was fishing off the end of a rickety dock. The lake was usually a clear blue, filled with many delicious fish. It was not so now. It was murky, tinted pink and red, the fish preferring to stay closer to the bottom, where the water was cleaner and lines could rarely reach. It meant the man would be lucky for even a small catch, but that would be enough. He lived alone on this shore, in his cabin up the hill, and had only himself to feed.
He wiped his hands on his bloody apron, then stroked his long grey beard with a smile. It was with great experience that he could judge the quality and balance of a blade and in all the experience, he had never worked with such magnificent instruments.
A portion of empty space bubbled and bulged, like plastic melting in a fire, then peeled away to reveal the spitting green end of a warp tunnel. Wrapped and protected in a cocoon of pale starlight, the Super Wizard From Space blasted out of the tunnel opening at incredible speed. The wound in black reality mended behind him with a practiced flick of
Sharp super-lightening split across a sick dry sky as a lone yellow cab pulled up in front of a long abandoned university. The pale driver scratched at his unkept beard. Hunched over the steering wheel, he got a better look through the windshield at the derelict campus. "You sure this is where you wanna to be?" he gruffly asked the passenger in the back seat.
"I will not tolerate your
presence here. Nor your trickery. I will burn away every molecule. I
will crack every atom. I will unravel your infernal form down to the
minimalist components and grind the remains under my boot."
"Once upon a time, five dark lords of multiple underverses made the mistake of signing a series of magical contracts in an attempt to insure some level of trust between them. Inevitably, all five of them went back on their words and now the tangled wording of those contracts have trapped them in the stone sepulchres of Quinto-Hell."
The ashen remains of the gorgon sunk into the circling river of molten rock and disappeared down the sinkhole in reality, pulled toward the punishments of Triple-Hell. A bleating car horn sounded. The Devil tugged at the wizard's shoulder. "Come along, guv. Our ride awaits."
Somewhere in the dank musky darkness swamp, a single snapping growl was followed up by a chorus of hungry grumbles and hollers and howls. Jagged trunks of twisted trees creaked and cracked as something massive pushed through. Huge lungs filled up and expelled, making for a thunderous breathy bass echo.
Black glass and brittle shale and oddly shaped boulders all bashed against each other in the tornado ferocity of the space between conceptual realities. Every small piece was both nonexistant and an immense solidity to itself, dragging and throwing and colliding with its surroundings as the entire mess fell through infinite layers of fractal
Looking about, he could see endless desert interrupted by black stone squares, similar to the one they were taking refuge on. A long wind was blowing, picking up loose dunes, shifting them up and over and around in an ever-moving landscape. It gave everything a burnt look, a rising sea of sand that just faded without an horizon. The only thing cutting through the leather-colored sky was the sun, massive and oversized, ten times larger than it should be.
The Devil, The Secret Living Language, and the Super Wizard From Space stood upon a massive square of black stone half buried in blistering desert sands. "This is it, end of the line," the Devil announced.
In the seedy bowels of a seedy mining camp, Cephalo Paul roused from blurriness to found himself at the mercy of an unkindness of anthropomorphic ravens. The lot of them stood on four clawed talons, spoke through horrifying beaks lined with serrated edges, and had too many ruby-coloured eyes.
"My name is senior lieutenant Yuri Gigan Topithecus, last survivor of the once-mighty space-sasquatch race. I was a hero of my people and a triumph of my government, becoming the first of my planet to journey into outer space... and as I completed my first orbit in my prototype capsule, I helplessly watched the Super Wizard From Space destroy my world."
The Super Wizard From Space towed his wounded prisoner to a dying system in a lonely constellation. It was a place that had been full and vibrant when the universe was young, a very long time ago. Now, it's small, dense white star bled away its diminishing heat and weak light into empty space.
Across the vastness of galaxies, a nameless forager bee achieves a stable geosynchronous orbit with distant Planet M. The ladened insect has been in contact with appropriate representatives, has deposited it cargo. It now maintains a microwave relay with the surface, and only awaits permission from the Hive to open communications.
"I-hereby-challenge-the-Super- Wizard-From-Space-to-combat," spits out Emperor M, the bile broadcasted from his loudspeaker face, "and-you'll-bear-witness-to-it , you- insufferable-bitch."
In the clarity of the desert night, a single point of light smolders against the blue-black curtain. And it slowly grows the closer it gets, falling toward Us through immense distances. The Super Wizard From Space is coming to Planet M.
Emperor gestures back to the great monolith and declares, "At-the-behest-of-our-electronic-ennead, I've-entombed-the-Super-Wizard-From-Space-within-the-Pyramids-Of-Ka! His-power-will-feed-our-preservation-batteries-for-countless-cycles."
"The Szuper Wizard From Szpace is sztill alive. And He sztill has Hisz coszmic crown." We say it aloud. Not to anyone. To ourselves, as swirling shaking thoughts become cold and real. This is real. This is happening. "Why? Why have you done thisz?"
If you'll indulge me, I'll tell you a story about how some people ( who were much too smart for their own good, I'm afraid ) tried to find an easy, quick solution; by doing so, they doomed countless lives to AGES of suffering.
Now, I was halfway through a tale about countless doomed lives... and yes, my friend, I do know the difference between 'countless' and 'seven'. Those tragic academics were only the first direct victims of these newly formed cosmic crowns. What happened next was intended to prevent more loss of life, but it actually placed the entire universe in peril.
"Hello Dragutin. I wouldn't be here if things weren't desperate. But things are desperate, and seeing as you're partially to blame, I think it appropriate to give you the chance to resolve it."
Vaso sneers at the world below. "I don't trust Sixth Columnists, General. They're an unstable bunch, every lot of them. And they splintering apart. Hard to be sure what bent their worship takes."
"A swarm! A monster swarm! Oh! Oh gods, they were everywhere. They killed everyone. They stabbed them and killed them. And the dead changed into more and went to do the same. Stabbing and changing and stabbing. Everyone's gone!"
Long spear-length stingers, glints of wet toxin at the tips. Wide crystal wings banging against torsos, making thrumming thunder. It's a *blanket* of angry buzzing. Getting thicker as they crawl over each other. At me. Looking to smother me. Kill me. If I'm lucky.
"What I'm doing, it has to be done. Because someone has to do it. Because no one else is doing it. They're scared of what might happen. Scared of what they could lose. Scared of things they can't change. We can't live like that."
Do you have any idea how this looks? We aren't at war anymore. The tournament is supposed to *prevent* this exact sort of conflict from flaring up again. You can't just go around dropping armies on the *home planets* of the universe's seven super-races."
His ancient race long ago unravelled the laws of physics, and they then learned how to redefine them. They harvest fusion fire to sustain themselves, and they hollow out suns to build their private strongholds. They are guardians of the spaces they know and explorers of the spaces they don't.
Somewhere on Planet M, a forlorn survivor is losing her grip on her unusual authority. "I'm... what? A surrogate? A stopgate? Why keep me and then lie to me? Why save me and then despise me so much?"
"The philosophies of your unconventional brother go against your own... he would do _anything_ to ensure your safety. With his assistance, we will prevail."
Andy Dharma bent over the Stringer's prone body, wrapped both arms around his head, and with a single fast wrench, broke the super-wizard's neck. KRACK!
He'll head toward Genovefa. Maybe not immediately, but inevitably. She can't hide from him any more than he can avoid her. The Cosmic Crowns draw them together. Its a drive. Its a feverish heat.
"The Schrivener has the Crown. The cosmic tournament is between him and Queen Buzz. Walk away from all this devestation. Put an _end_ to this madness."
"That's exactly what I intend to do."
"We've _sztudied_ you for thiz entire Tournament! Without your cosZzmic weapon, you're no threat! You're little more than a ztubborn _nail_ for me to hammer down."
“Iz thiZs what you’re reduced to? A cockroach, sZcurrying and hiding underneath the firmament? If make Uz chasZze after you, We will bring the heavenZz down upon you.”
Reality stretches like canvas pulled taut. Time stutters and scratches and skips, between moments and months. The Wizard takes refuge within the umbra of the system's innermost planet, little more than a corner to be backed into.
"Born of cozmic power, with a mind the sZzize of the universZze... and you thought death would stop her? What szort of sZzimple idea did you take her for, that she'd die szo quietly?"
In the calm eye of it, I can just make out Melisende's massive shape, pacing and stomping and _screaming_ at them, her voice amplified overtop the cacophony. "Are you happy now? That'z it! It'z over!"
Playing tour guide's certainly been more agreeable than playing babysitter. As far as pointless distractions go. If nothing else, its been interesting visiting old haunts, if only to see what's left of them.
