"The Tragedy Of Sharkasaurus Rex, Part 3"
by Wil Alambre
"Oh dear me!" shouted Brody Dharma to the marble diamond hall, his gecko
eyes spinning in shock as the ghostly forms of Geisel and Theodor
circled over the sticky yellow remains of Queen Buzz. "Fish! Please!
Contain yourselves!"
"Tyrant!" flared out Geisel angrily, telepathically sharing horrific
images of a watery world overrun by a swarm of monstrous bees.
"Slaver!" thundered out Theodor darkly, psychically blinding everyone
with painful sensations of piercing stings and stretching muscles and
twisting bones.
With a teeth-shaking clatter, a mass of rusty machinery in a vaguely
bipedal form lurched at the circling sealife and, to their spectral
surprise, managed to grab a hold of both of them with fat iron clamps.
They flailed and shook, going transparent and intangible, but the
bandaged robot managed to keep a grip on the pair.
With popping feedback, the mechanical Emporer-M spoke in sharp staccato
syllables. "Battle-calculation-function-results,
you-can-end-clause-your-escape-attempt-while-loops, end-statement.
I-have-your-post-mortem-file-structures-trapped-with-a-buffered-sound-file,
end-statement. Do-not-make-me-delete-you, end-statement, end-sub-routine."
The ghost fish shook violently, trying to get free of the undead
automaton's hold. They flared their gills, stared at the metal with cold
white eyes, and channeled concentrated thoughts in hopes of overwhelming
his programming. But the pschent crown hovering over it's head crackled
with hieroglyphic-shaped electricity, and his clamps clamped down harder
on the fish, scales popping off their middles.
"Impossible!" cried out Geisel. "You can't hold us! We've shed
our
bodies! We've become free!"
"The-us-me-inclusive-clause-mummy-machines-of-planet-designate-m-have-also-been-life-cycle-completed-and-backup-restored,
end-statement.
There-is-no-freedom-from-system-required-responsibilities,
end-statement. There-is-no-freedom-from-system-required-consequences,
end-statement, end-subroutine."
Theodor looked across the great hall at the Super Wizard From Space,
hoping for some assistance. But the wizard only frowned and crossed his
arms.
A single keen note nearly deafened everyone in the room as Brody Dharma
strongly struck his small silver gong. It seemed to reverberate through
every atom in their bodies, a vibrating pain that paralyzed them until
the tone faded away.
"Even the most violent storms must eventually put aside their clouded
fury and re-become the calm skies," preached Brody Dharma, descending
from the spiral stairway. He tucked away his silver gong within his
orange robes. His usually jovial face had the stern look of a displeased
professor. "I remind you that, though you are welcome visitors upon the
planet Amity, you are guest under the roof of the Invisible Monks. My
roof. And while under my roof, I must insist that you maintain the
civilized manners expected of your stations.
"Otherwise... well... my fellow monks may take offense."
With a repeated hup-hup-hup, all edges of the hall were quickly filled
with bald men in similarly simple robes. They surrounded the
space-champions, giving them ample room but not allowing any exit. In a
single synchronized motion, they performed a series of martial art
poses, ending in strong battle stances.
The Secret Living Language, having silently been watching up until now,
cleared his throat-synonyms and said, "There has been an abridgment of
impairment to our monosaccharide associate. She is heretofore
aggrandizing upwards and convalescing conclusively."
As everyone watched, the puddles of yellow gel all gathered themselves
up into one large pile and, with sparks moving at sharp right angles,
started to rise up. Through the clear substance they could see wax
circuitry form and disappear as the gel reformed the tall regal woman it
used to be. Queen Buzz blinked slowly for a moment, as if recovering
from a momentary lapse, then looked about.
Seeing the mummy machine coldly crushing the phantasmal fish, she only
waved dismissively in it's direction. "Pleasze, M, you may releasze
them. We are unharmed. Thisz isz not our true form. We are not even
here, chooszing to participate by long-disztance communication. And asz
you can szee, the transzmisszion technology in this honey-baszed
hologram has easzily repaired itszelf."
Emperor-M considered the variables for a second, then, after an assuring
nod from Queen Buzz, opened his hand-clamps. Geisel and Theodor darted
away, choosing to circle near the ceiling far out of reach.
Brody Dharma clapped his hands joyfully, and all the monks relaxed their
stances. "Ho ho ho, isn't that much better?"
The two ghost fish kept circling as far out of reach as they could, only
risking a short dive to toss a wide thought of disgust down at the gel form.
"Oppressor," spat out the red fish.
"Fiend," spat out the blue fish.
If the slurs bothered Queen Buzz, she did not show it, instead choosing
to ignore it with practiced dignity.
"Now now," chided Brody Dharma with a waggle of a suckered finger. "Your
disagreement with her majesty is not the reason you are here. I have
invited you all once again to the fractal hall to discuss our cosmic
tournament with the Super Wizard From Space.
"When the great super-civilizations gathered here previously, we were on
the verge of super-space-war. The last space-time such a conflagration
engulfed the universe, it resulted in the loss of a handful of galactic
superclusters and the imprisonment of an entire branch of quantum
probability. What could have been the rise of an eighth
super-civilization instead became our greatest space-shame. { Crisis Of
The Super Warlocks #1-6 }
"It was for that reason the tradition of the space-champions were
created. And it was to avert another universe-spanning tragedy that, in
this most recent emergency, the Invisible Monks suggested the cosmic
tournament. Better a single melted snowflake than a crashing avalanche.
"However, since that pact, the Super Wizard From Space has been attacked
twice. Not to the four rules agreed upon by our great and mighty races,
but with trickery and lies. So sad. Tsk tsk.
"I have already spoken to Queen Buzz and she has assured me the drones
that ambushed the super wizard did so of their own volition. Loyalty and
ambition tempered into fanatical disobedience, a sword forged too
roughly. And the Super Devil... well, it seems the currish nature of his
multi-level hell-realms have unsurprisingly turned on him. But as master
hero of planet Amity and space champion of the Invisible Monks, I can
brook no more of these dishonorable actions."
The Secret Living Language boomed in a thousand different angry
syllables. "What veraciously are you adducing, cenobite?"
The gauge wrappings tightened as Emperor-M rose to it's full height, an
intimidating electric glow coming from within it's casings.
"Are-you-trying-to-claim-some-authority-libraries-that-we-have
not-version-control-merged-into-your-branch, end-query?"
The Invisible Monks that ringed the fractal hall stiffened, decades of
practice echoing in frightfully quick reflexes. but Brody Dharma himself
made no sudden movements, instead smiling with humor. "Oh, of course
not. Even the most saintly of brows will collapse under the weight of
too many halos. But I must insist that we ensure we are participating in
our agreement rather than trying skirting it. As space champions of our
super civilizations, it is our moral responsibility to uphold The Rules.
"In that vein, I officially agree to be witness to the challenge between
the Super Wizard From Space and Sharkasaurus Rex. And I will continue to
be witness to any further challenges in this cosmic tournament, as long
as it is feasible."
Upon speaking the words, all the cosmic crowns floating over the space
champions heads flared with energy.
A ring of chains made of immense unknowable power formed a ring around
each individual, as if binding each of them to the agreement.
They seemed overly real and overly heavy, so much so that the single
moment they appear seemed to drag down with cosmic weight.
Then, the crowns returned to normal and the chains disappeared.
Brody Dharma clapped, delighted at the spectacle. "Ho ho ho! Excellent!"
"Never before hasz thisz happened in our precensze," said Queen Buzz,
the shock of the event breaking her stoney expression. "Never before
hasz thisz happened in our hisztoriesz."
"I have avouched this kismet only once previously, when the diadems were
initially distributed," said the Secret Living Language, not able to
hide his awe.
The rainbow fish dipped down wide-eyed, curiosity overcoming their fear.
"What? What was that? What happened?" asked Geisel.
"The cosmic crowns themselves have agreed to the first challenge! They
will enforce the rules our super civilizations have agreed to,"
explained Brody Dharma. "All challenges must be accepted. All
challeneges must be witnessed. All challenges cannot be interfered with.
All challenges are won by aquiring the crowns.
"These are the four rules unbreakable rules we super champions are held
to, And protected by. A fortress, only as strong as the foundation of
trust it is built upon."
"All these rules?" asked the red fish nervously.
"All the crowns?" asked the blue fish grimly.
"Naturally," answered Brody Dharma.
"Oh no," muttered the Super Wizard From Space, suddenly making the same
dangerous realization the ghostly fish were. "The infinite school."
From outside the fractal hall suddenly came a chaotic screaming. The
entire peak seemed to shake with the force of a million stampeding feet,
panic gripping the normally stoic religious men on the mountainous
monestary. Dull warning echoed out through the maze-like halls as long
unused alarm bells were banged desperately.
"Master hero! Master hero!" cried out a young boy, bursting into the
hall, ignoring centuries of protocol and tradition in his desperation.
"A thousand apologies, master hero! It's the fish! The fish have lost
control!
"Sharkasaurus Rex is free!"
.........................................
I mistakenly posted issue twelve under the heading "11", in case any of
you were wondering if you missed a post. My bad.
I recently finished reading the first four books of 2000AD's Nemesis The
Warlock and am starting into a couple collections of the original Judge
Dredd stories. The anthology format of these old black-and-white 1970s
stories really echo the sort of episodic fiction I am aiming for; short,
punchy, and just tossing ideas against the wall to see what sticks.
Don't be surprised if my Super Wizard fiction starts absorbing influences :)
.........................................
Wil Alambre, follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/wilalambre
"Hurry, uni-scribe! We have less than one space-hour to get to the
negotiating table before the Great Disaster arrives!" The desperate uni-diplomat paced back and forth in the room. He kept
looking at the space-clock, watching the moments tick away and
whinnying quietly under his breath. The light in the room was starting
to fade away as ominous clouds rolled in, covered up the twin suns. It
was as if the very planet understood the impending doom and was losing
hope.
"Very well, we agree. A tournament, then, to end this rampage. But you have witnessed the power at his disposal. He has a billion billion years of our science-sorcery at his command. Will all you great super-civilizations commit your super-champions to this?"
On a distant world, a mummy-robot and a brown-robed monk silently made their way to the center of a blasphemous cathedral. Though the robot lurched ungainly, it's servos making an uneven whirring sound as they moved the broken machine through black-stone hallways, it held it's bandaged head high, the ghostly
Cocytus the demon-glacier had the Super Wizard From Space engulfed in its icy grasp, forever to be a frozen prisoner of the ninth circle of Hell. Meanwhile the victorious Devil stood atop the massive field of ice, grateful to be back home. The Devil tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and just basked
On a filthy cobblestone hell-road outside the infinite walls of Double-Dis, the Super Wizard From Space stared up at the triumphant face of the Super-Devil. The monster's massive grin dribbled thick lava as he shouted out "Hey there, jerks! Welcome to Double-Hell!"
In the ruins of an ancient city of pillars, an alien octopus pointed eight dangerous looking ray-guns at a white-bearded hermit. "You best be giving me that there data-cylinder, Gavrilo, or I'll vaporize you right where you stand, I done swear it!"
Two figures hurtled through a scarred green warp tunnel underneath the skin of the universe toward the lost planet of the silver skull machine. The Super Wizard From Space was leading the way, encased in a cocoon of hard light that protected him from the rigors of space travel. His companion, a filthy bearded hermit,
The Super Wizard From Space and the Hermit Wizard From Space were trapped in an asteroid belt by a swarm of gigantic space-bees! As it's fellow drones circled uniformly, one particularly grusome space-bee broken from the formation. It was as massive as any of the drifting asteroids, it's gigantic yellow black body big enough to drag smaller free-floating
A monstrously giant bee made of hollow electricity used its clawed legs to peel open the hull of the crashed rocket-ship. It glowed brightly with a pale light, partially transparent and seemingly fragile as it opened up the armored cockpit as if it was made of tinfoil. The ship's two occupants didn't even have a moment to shake off the shock before
The two super wizards stood stock still as the two floors of the building above them were eaten by the ghost of a cosmic megalodon. Bigger than a rocket-ship, it nonetheless hung effortlessly in the air, it's fifty-five rows of cleaver-like teeth surrounding their room as it floated vertically above them. The daylight of the alien sky shone
I am Theodor. I am a rainbow blue fish. I lived on a planet far away. Then I died. But that is was not the end. That was the beginning. I became a ghost. I became part of the infinite school. Thanks to wise Rex. This is the story of Rex. He is big fish. A big shark. Many sizes big. From a far away blue
It took nearly every ghost fish of the infinite school to confidently herd Sharkasaurus Rex into the depths of the invisible galaxy. The megalodon's monstrous instincts were near impossible to fully understand, a hundred million space-years of predatory instinct and insatiable hunger. The spectral school's entire telepathic concentration
"Master hero! Master hero!" cried out the young boy, frantic enough to ignore his disciplined training. "A terrible occurrence! The infinite school have lost their hold on their grisly teacher! The cosmic crown reacted suddenly and cut off their psychic leashes! Sharkasaurus Rex is loose!". The young boy wildly rang the same small gong all the monks in this
Geisel was gone, his phantasmal form torn apart in savage fury by the recently de-crowned Sharkasaurus Rex. The equally ethereal Theodor watched the entire sudden rending in still shock. As did the rest of the infinite school, millions of fellow ghost fish that had all gathered to psychically leash the mighty megalodon.
"Sharkasaurus Rex is feeding on the simple people of this planet," said the
Super Wizard From Space, pointing to where a sticky-looking red hue spread in
the red mist for a space-minute before the fin moved on. "He's converting their
psyches into spiritual mass, growing exponentially. This incredible instrument
is our only hope."
He was lying on the ground. Still at the top of the mountain
monastery. Yes, he was certain of it. There was no mistaking. He
remembered the feel of these particular stones. And the scent of that
particular moss. But he could not remember how he had came here. It
was like his mind was rattling around in his head while at the same
time trying to swell larger than his skull could contain.
I warned him not to use the Gong Ago, as the volume required from that sacred instrument would have unintended side effects. But like an old mule wearing ragged blinders, he rung it out anyway. And that powerful pitch has freed me and my like-minded brethren. My name is Andy Dharma. I am the master villain of the Invisible Monks.
In a clearing at the center, a nine-foot lizards bowed respectfully to his duplicate. He dressed the same way. He moved with the same simple grace. He stood with the same relaxed posture. And he looked back at him with the same calculating eyes, measuring the short distance between them, judging the smallest of movements.
"You are unbalanczed. You cannot be truszted with coszmic power." Her hand closed into a fist and squeezed. From every direction, the spectral fish tossed out their determination in crisscrossing grey lines, trying to ensnare his mind.
"Andy, don't do this," whispered Brody, "You can't." "Yes I can! Yes I will!" he shouted back at him. "No more bad habits disguised as tradition! No more of yesterday's rules deciding today's fate! I will show you what change can accomplish!" He spat on the floor in disgust, and backflipped off the balcony.
On the side of a small lake, a simple man was fishing off the end of a rickety dock. The lake was usually a clear blue, filled with many delicious fish. It was not so now. It was murky, tinted pink and red, the fish preferring to stay closer to the bottom, where the water was cleaner and lines could rarely reach. It meant the man would be lucky for even a small catch, but that would be enough. He lived alone on this shore, in his cabin up the hill, and had only himself to feed.
He wiped his hands on his bloody apron, then stroked his long grey beard with a smile. It was with great experience that he could judge the quality and balance of a blade and in all the experience, he had never worked with such magnificent instruments.
A portion of empty space bubbled and bulged, like plastic melting in a fire, then peeled away to reveal the spitting green end of a warp tunnel. Wrapped and protected in a cocoon of pale starlight, the Super Wizard From Space blasted out of the tunnel opening at incredible speed. The wound in black reality mended behind him with a practiced flick of
Sharp super-lightening split across a sick dry sky as a lone yellow cab pulled up in front of a long abandoned university. The pale driver scratched at his unkept beard. Hunched over the steering wheel, he got a better look through the windshield at the derelict campus. "You sure this is where you wanna to be?" he gruffly asked the passenger in the back seat.
"I will not tolerate your
presence here. Nor your trickery. I will burn away every molecule. I
will crack every atom. I will unravel your infernal form down to the
minimalist components and grind the remains under my boot."
"Once upon a time, five dark lords of multiple underverses made the mistake of signing a series of magical contracts in an attempt to insure some level of trust between them. Inevitably, all five of them went back on their words and now the tangled wording of those contracts have trapped them in the stone sepulchres of Quinto-Hell."
The ashen remains of the gorgon sunk into the circling river of molten rock and disappeared down the sinkhole in reality, pulled toward the punishments of Triple-Hell. A bleating car horn sounded. The Devil tugged at the wizard's shoulder. "Come along, guv. Our ride awaits."
Somewhere in the dank musky darkness swamp, a single snapping growl was followed up by a chorus of hungry grumbles and hollers and howls. Jagged trunks of twisted trees creaked and cracked as something massive pushed through. Huge lungs filled up and expelled, making for a thunderous breathy bass echo.
Black glass and brittle shale and oddly shaped boulders all bashed against each other in the tornado ferocity of the space between conceptual realities. Every small piece was both nonexistant and an immense solidity to itself, dragging and throwing and colliding with its surroundings as the entire mess fell through infinite layers of fractal
Looking about, he could see endless desert interrupted by black stone squares, similar to the one they were taking refuge on. A long wind was blowing, picking up loose dunes, shifting them up and over and around in an ever-moving landscape. It gave everything a burnt look, a rising sea of sand that just faded without an horizon. The only thing cutting through the leather-colored sky was the sun, massive and oversized, ten times larger than it should be.
The Devil, The Secret Living Language, and the Super Wizard From Space stood upon a massive square of black stone half buried in blistering desert sands. "This is it, end of the line," the Devil announced.
In the seedy bowels of a seedy mining camp, Cephalo Paul roused from blurriness to found himself at the mercy of an unkindness of anthropomorphic ravens. The lot of them stood on four clawed talons, spoke through horrifying beaks lined with serrated edges, and had too many ruby-coloured eyes.
"My name is senior lieutenant Yuri Gigan Topithecus, last survivor of the once-mighty space-sasquatch race. I was a hero of my people and a triumph of my government, becoming the first of my planet to journey into outer space... and as I completed my first orbit in my prototype capsule, I helplessly watched the Super Wizard From Space destroy my world."
The Super Wizard From Space towed his wounded prisoner to a dying system in a lonely constellation. It was a place that had been full and vibrant when the universe was young, a very long time ago. Now, it's small, dense white star bled away its diminishing heat and weak light into empty space.
Across the vastness of galaxies, a nameless forager bee achieves a stable geosynchronous orbit with distant Planet M. The ladened insect has been in contact with appropriate representatives, has deposited it cargo. It now maintains a microwave relay with the surface, and only awaits permission from the Hive to open communications.
"I-hereby-challenge-the-Super- Wizard-From-Space-to-combat," spits out Emperor M, the bile broadcasted from his loudspeaker face, "and-you'll-bear-witness-to-it , you- insufferable-bitch."
In the clarity of the desert night, a single point of light smolders against the blue-black curtain. And it slowly grows the closer it gets, falling toward Us through immense distances. The Super Wizard From Space is coming to Planet M.
Emperor gestures back to the great monolith and declares, "At-the-behest-of-our-electronic-ennead, I've-entombed-the-Super-Wizard-From-Space-within-the-Pyramids-Of-Ka! His-power-will-feed-our-preservation-batteries-for-countless-cycles."
"The Szuper Wizard From Szpace is sztill alive. And He sztill has Hisz coszmic crown." We say it aloud. Not to anyone. To ourselves, as swirling shaking thoughts become cold and real. This is real. This is happening. "Why? Why have you done thisz?"
If you'll indulge me, I'll tell you a story about how some people ( who were much too smart for their own good, I'm afraid ) tried to find an easy, quick solution; by doing so, they doomed countless lives to AGES of suffering.
Now, I was halfway through a tale about countless doomed lives... and yes, my friend, I do know the difference between 'countless' and 'seven'. Those tragic academics were only the first direct victims of these newly formed cosmic crowns. What happened next was intended to prevent more loss of life, but it actually placed the entire universe in peril.
"Hello Dragutin. I wouldn't be here if things weren't desperate. But things are desperate, and seeing as you're partially to blame, I think it appropriate to give you the chance to resolve it."
Vaso sneers at the world below. "I don't trust Sixth Columnists, General. They're an unstable bunch, every lot of them. And they splintering apart. Hard to be sure what bent their worship takes."
"A swarm! A monster swarm! Oh! Oh gods, they were everywhere. They killed everyone. They stabbed them and killed them. And the dead changed into more and went to do the same. Stabbing and changing and stabbing. Everyone's gone!"
Long spear-length stingers, glints of wet toxin at the tips. Wide crystal wings banging against torsos, making thrumming thunder. It's a *blanket* of angry buzzing. Getting thicker as they crawl over each other. At me. Looking to smother me. Kill me. If I'm lucky.
"What I'm doing, it has to be done. Because someone has to do it. Because no one else is doing it. They're scared of what might happen. Scared of what they could lose. Scared of things they can't change. We can't live like that."
Do you have any idea how this looks? We aren't at war anymore. The tournament is supposed to *prevent* this exact sort of conflict from flaring up again. You can't just go around dropping armies on the *home planets* of the universe's seven super-races."
His ancient race long ago unravelled the laws of physics, and they then learned how to redefine them. They harvest fusion fire to sustain themselves, and they hollow out suns to build their private strongholds. They are guardians of the spaces they know and explorers of the spaces they don't.
Somewhere on Planet M, a forlorn survivor is losing her grip on her unusual authority. "I'm... what? A surrogate? A stopgate? Why keep me and then lie to me? Why save me and then despise me so much?"
"The philosophies of your unconventional brother go against your own... he would do _anything_ to ensure your safety. With his assistance, we will prevail."
Andy Dharma bent over the Stringer's prone body, wrapped both arms around his head, and with a single fast wrench, broke the super-wizard's neck. KRACK!
He'll head toward Genovefa. Maybe not immediately, but inevitably. She can't hide from him any more than he can avoid her. The Cosmic Crowns draw them together. Its a drive. Its a feverish heat.
"The Schrivener has the Crown. The cosmic tournament is between him and Queen Buzz. Walk away from all this devestation. Put an _end_ to this madness."
"That's exactly what I intend to do."
"We've _sztudied_ you for thiz entire Tournament! Without your cosZzmic weapon, you're no threat! You're little more than a ztubborn _nail_ for me to hammer down."
“Iz thiZs what you’re reduced to? A cockroach, sZcurrying and hiding underneath the firmament? If make Uz chasZze after you, We will bring the heavenZz down upon you.”
Reality stretches like canvas pulled taut. Time stutters and scratches and skips, between moments and months. The Wizard takes refuge within the umbra of the system's innermost planet, little more than a corner to be backed into.
"Born of cozmic power, with a mind the sZzize of the universZze... and you thought death would stop her? What szort of sZzimple idea did you take her for, that she'd die szo quietly?"
In the calm eye of it, I can just make out Melisende's massive shape, pacing and stomping and _screaming_ at them, her voice amplified overtop the cacophony. "Are you happy now? That'z it! It'z over!"
Playing tour guide's certainly been more agreeable than playing babysitter. As far as pointless distractions go. If nothing else, its been interesting visiting old haunts, if only to see what's left of them.
