THE SUPER WIZARD FROM SPACE #1
"Hurry, uni-scribe! We have less than one space-hour to get to the
negotiating table before the Great Disaster arrives!"
The uni-scribe worked feverishly at his terminal, trying to complete
the document translation despite the horn-cries of his superior
officer, the uni-diplomat. A magnificent example of space-unicorn
breeding, the single alabaster horn sprouting from his forehead
vibrated with his telepathic dictation, and the terminal's
recording-forks struggled to keep up with the rapid process.
The desperate uni-diplomat paced back and forth in the room. He kept
looking at the space-clock, watching the moments tick away and
whinnying quietly under his breath. The light in the room was starting
to fade away as ominous clouds rolled in, covered up the twin suns. It
was as if the very planet understood the impending doom and was losing
hope.
"Ah, ha! I have completed my task!" declared the uni-scribe
triumphantly! The terminal buzzed as it transposed the collected
horn-thoughts into a physical document printed on clear plastic paper.
He took a moment to review it, confirming it was correctly written and
understandable in the two required languages, then passed it to the
frantic uni-diplomat.
The uni-diplomat snatched the document and raced out the door, his
feet-hooves making irregular clapping noises on the floor. His
horn-shouts rippled through the entire building. Replies were
telepathically returned, and he found a magnificent uni-transport
officer waiting directly outside, a fast-saddle firmly attached to his
back. The uni-diplomat belted himself into the saddle, and with a
shout and a jab, the uni-transport officer went running at
wind-whipping speeds to the civic building in the capital city's
central square.
The sky darkened even more, and a growing humidity indicated that the
war-torn ruins of the space-unicorn capital was going to come under an
unoptimistic rain soon, but the uni-diplomatic snapped at the reins
and forced his mount on. The relief workers did what they could,
moving away debris and forming barricades to keep the general
uni-populace from the pot-marked road, clearing a path for the rushing
official.
A coded horn-call from the uni-transport officer was acknowledged by a
uni-general and the blockade of uni-troops at the central square broke
formation only long enough to give access to the civic building. The
army then reformed their formation, keeping a sharp vigil on the
space-sasquatch soldiers who stood at armed attention on the opposite
side of the square.
Unbuckling and dismounting, the uni-diplomat charged into the
building. The security posted at the building demanded to see his
identification no matter how loudly and desperately he pleaded for
urgency. After many long agonizing space-minutes, he cleared the
checkpoint. He rushed through the hallways, burst into the main
conference room, and brought the sad debates at the negotiating table
to a halt with horn-shouts.
"I have it! I have it here!" he waved the document in the air. "I have
the peace treaty at last!" Both sides of the negotiating table cheered
and hurrahed!
"Come, man, let us see it!" roared the Supreme Sasquatch, proud
sovereign of the space-sasquatchs. He barrel chest thundered with a
panicking heart, his normally well-combed fur ragged and knotted from
worry. "We haven't a moment to lose!"
"Our pen! Our pen, curse your hides!" rang out the horn-call form the
Uni-king, the royal diamond rings on his superior silver horn giving
the telepathic shouts a sing-song-like quality.
"I made doubly sure the uni-scribe drafted the document in both
unicornian and sasquatchese. I assure both governments that all
concessions are officially in the treaty and..."
"No time, no time!" said the Uni-king, cutting off his sputtering
diplomat. "Any concession is fine. Any surrender is acceptable. Just
give us our royal pen!"
His counter-part bellowed his agreement. "Yes! All concessions! The
space-sasquatch nation agree to anything! As long as there is peace!
Peace, now! Hurry!"
Snatching the clear plastic document, the Supreme Sasquatch signed it
at the bottom without reading it. Passing the both the treaty and his
pen across the table, the Uni-king also added his royal signature at
the bottom without giving it a look.
Just then, a yelling came into the room from outside. Telepathic
horn-yells from the space-unicorn army. Bellowing savage yells from
the space-sasquatch army.
Terrified yells. "Too late! Too late! It's here! The Great Disaster!"
Both monarchs bolted from the room. Their processions scampered after
them outside. All dignity and civility of office was forgotten.
In the square, soldiers on both sides of the blockade had broken rank.
Some few had committed suicide, placing the barrel of their ray-guns
under their chins and disintegrated themselves. Others had tossed the
weapons on the ground and fled, hopelessly trying to find some sort of
shelter.
Many had dropped to their knees and begun praying. To the uni-god, the
space-unicorn mono-deity. To Never-Seen and Large-Feet and
Abominable-One, the space-sasquatch pantheon. And some to the terrible
entity itself that descended from the sky.
The dark clouds parted, the sprinkling of grey rain misted away from
the square. But instead of warm sunlight, the parting only revealed a
deep and faraway blackness, and in the middle was a single floating
figure. A man in tight fitting outfit of sea blue and copper yellow.
Hovering over his blond hair was a crown of perfect space-gold, almost
as harrowing to look at as the celestial figure it belonged too.
He descended to the middle of the square. Though he seemed to land as
lightly as a feather, the pavement under his feet cracked under sudden
strain. The city dimmed, dulled, all ambient light absorbed into the
man's encompassing light-cloak before it too faded away. The clouds
closed the hole in the sky, and soon the only illumination came from
the gold crown's starlight.
The Uni-king and the Supreme Sasquatch rushed to the figure, averting
their eyes and humbly prostrating themselves at at his feet. He stared
down at them as a disappointed parent might look at misbehaving
children.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked. His voice was level and patient, but
at the same time everywhere and understood by all, penetrating
comprehension and distance.
"Y-y-you have... you have many n-n-names..."
"I am a super wizard, come from the faraway spaces to render cosmic
judgement."
"No! No, there is no more war here!" pleaded the once proud
space-sasquatch monarch. "Look here, a peace treaty signed not moments
ago! There is peace on this planet again! Peace!"
"Spare us, holy one," said the grovelling Uni-king. "Our armies have
surrendered! Our nations are surrendered! The space-unicorn people are
peaceful again, we give you our word!"
"And us, too!" added the Supreme Sasquatch. "The space-sasquatch
people make war no longer! We swear to you!"
The super wizard looked down at the weeping rulers begging before him.
But when he spoke, it was with a grim, flat tenor.
"It was the super wizard parliament that saved your mythic races many
space-centuries ago, whisking you away from the toxic influences of
your mother planet. The dominant creatures there were dangerous to you
all, corrupting in nature and murderous in intent. We transported you
with our science-sorcery to this lush and forested world, where you
could be safe and free.
"And though you have grown and evolved into civilization, becoming
fantastical space-races, you have made war on each other for the
greatest of crimes... space-greed."
There was a collective sob from all in the city. They pleaded for
lenience. In both languages. In both cultures. They cried out for
mercy.
"No mercy from super wizards..." he declared, "...only the most
terrible forms of justice!"
He crouched on one knee and held a single hand palm up to the sky.
"Since you you cannot share..."
The Uni-king begged.
The Supreme Sasquatch begged.
The super wizard ignored them both. As he ignored the billions of
cries from around this doomed world.
He slammed his hand down on the ground before him and a burst of
starlight exploded from his palm into the pavement.
A massive quake rippled around the world. A deep crack formed at the
spot and raced across the land to meet at the planet's opposite side.
Fire and magma spit up from everywhere as the world shook in it's
death throes. The sky turned and angry red and the land fractured in
city-sized chunk, spewed up into the atmosphere and even orbit.
The super wizard glided up and away, the pale light cloak acting as a
protective cocoon that he rode up into space. From a couple thousand
space-miles away, he witnesses the two halves of the planet tumble
away from each other, oceans fall into endless nothingness, precious
air rushing off every sudden edge. A billion people died in those
moments. Billions more would suffer terribly over the following weeks.
.........................................
Wil Alambre, follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/wilalambre
"Very well, we agree. A tournament, then, to end this rampage. But you have witnessed the power at his disposal. He has a billion billion years of our science-sorcery at his command. Will all you great super-civilizations commit your super-champions to this?"
On a distant world, a mummy-robot and a brown-robed monk silently made their way to the center of a blasphemous cathedral. Though the robot lurched ungainly, it's servos making an uneven whirring sound as they moved the broken machine through black-stone hallways, it held it's bandaged head high, the ghostly
Cocytus the demon-glacier had the Super Wizard From Space engulfed in its icy grasp, forever to be a frozen prisoner of the ninth circle of Hell. Meanwhile the victorious Devil stood atop the massive field of ice, grateful to be back home. The Devil tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and just basked
On a filthy cobblestone hell-road outside the infinite walls of Double-Dis, the Super Wizard From Space stared up at the triumphant face of the Super-Devil. The monster's massive grin dribbled thick lava as he shouted out "Hey there, jerks! Welcome to Double-Hell!"
In the ruins of an ancient city of pillars, an alien octopus pointed eight dangerous looking ray-guns at a white-bearded hermit. "You best be giving me that there data-cylinder, Gavrilo, or I'll vaporize you right where you stand, I done swear it!"
Two figures hurtled through a scarred green warp tunnel underneath the skin of the universe toward the lost planet of the silver skull machine. The Super Wizard From Space was leading the way, encased in a cocoon of hard light that protected him from the rigors of space travel. His companion, a filthy bearded hermit,
The Super Wizard From Space and the Hermit Wizard From Space were trapped in an asteroid belt by a swarm of gigantic space-bees! As it's fellow drones circled uniformly, one particularly grusome space-bee broken from the formation. It was as massive as any of the drifting asteroids, it's gigantic yellow black body big enough to drag smaller free-floating
A monstrously giant bee made of hollow electricity used its clawed legs to peel open the hull of the crashed rocket-ship. It glowed brightly with a pale light, partially transparent and seemingly fragile as it opened up the armored cockpit as if it was made of tinfoil. The ship's two occupants didn't even have a moment to shake off the shock before
The two super wizards stood stock still as the two floors of the building above them were eaten by the ghost of a cosmic megalodon. Bigger than a rocket-ship, it nonetheless hung effortlessly in the air, it's fifty-five rows of cleaver-like teeth surrounding their room as it floated vertically above them. The daylight of the alien sky shone
I am Theodor. I am a rainbow blue fish. I lived on a planet far away. Then I died. But that is was not the end. That was the beginning. I became a ghost. I became part of the infinite school. Thanks to wise Rex. This is the story of Rex. He is big fish. A big shark. Many sizes big. From a far away blue
It took nearly every ghost fish of the infinite school to confidently herd Sharkasaurus Rex into the depths of the invisible galaxy. The megalodon's monstrous instincts were near impossible to fully understand, a hundred million space-years of predatory instinct and insatiable hunger. The spectral school's entire telepathic concentration
"Oh dear me!" shouted Brody Dharma to the marble diamond hall, his gecko eyes spinning in shock as the ghostly forms of Geisel and Theodor circled over the sticky yellow remains of Queen Buzz. "Fish! Please! Contain yourselves!" "Tyrant!" flared out Geisel angrily, telepathically sharing horrific
"Master hero! Master hero!" cried out the young boy, frantic enough to ignore his disciplined training. "A terrible occurrence! The infinite school have lost their hold on their grisly teacher! The cosmic crown reacted suddenly and cut off their psychic leashes! Sharkasaurus Rex is loose!". The young boy wildly rang the same small gong all the monks in this
Geisel was gone, his phantasmal form torn apart in savage fury by the recently de-crowned Sharkasaurus Rex. The equally ethereal Theodor watched the entire sudden rending in still shock. As did the rest of the infinite school, millions of fellow ghost fish that had all gathered to psychically leash the mighty megalodon.
"Sharkasaurus Rex is feeding on the simple people of this planet," said the
Super Wizard From Space, pointing to where a sticky-looking red hue spread in
the red mist for a space-minute before the fin moved on. "He's converting their
psyches into spiritual mass, growing exponentially. This incredible instrument
is our only hope."
He was lying on the ground. Still at the top of the mountain
monastery. Yes, he was certain of it. There was no mistaking. He
remembered the feel of these particular stones. And the scent of that
particular moss. But he could not remember how he had came here. It
was like his mind was rattling around in his head while at the same
time trying to swell larger than his skull could contain.
I warned him not to use the Gong Ago, as the volume required from that sacred instrument would have unintended side effects. But like an old mule wearing ragged blinders, he rung it out anyway. And that powerful pitch has freed me and my like-minded brethren. My name is Andy Dharma. I am the master villain of the Invisible Monks.
In a clearing at the center, a nine-foot lizards bowed respectfully to his duplicate. He dressed the same way. He moved with the same simple grace. He stood with the same relaxed posture. And he looked back at him with the same calculating eyes, measuring the short distance between them, judging the smallest of movements.
"You are unbalanczed. You cannot be truszted with coszmic power." Her hand closed into a fist and squeezed. From every direction, the spectral fish tossed out their determination in crisscrossing grey lines, trying to ensnare his mind.
"Andy, don't do this," whispered Brody, "You can't." "Yes I can! Yes I will!" he shouted back at him. "No more bad habits disguised as tradition! No more of yesterday's rules deciding today's fate! I will show you what change can accomplish!" He spat on the floor in disgust, and backflipped off the balcony.
On the side of a small lake, a simple man was fishing off the end of a rickety dock. The lake was usually a clear blue, filled with many delicious fish. It was not so now. It was murky, tinted pink and red, the fish preferring to stay closer to the bottom, where the water was cleaner and lines could rarely reach. It meant the man would be lucky for even a small catch, but that would be enough. He lived alone on this shore, in his cabin up the hill, and had only himself to feed.
He wiped his hands on his bloody apron, then stroked his long grey beard with a smile. It was with great experience that he could judge the quality and balance of a blade and in all the experience, he had never worked with such magnificent instruments.
A portion of empty space bubbled and bulged, like plastic melting in a fire, then peeled away to reveal the spitting green end of a warp tunnel. Wrapped and protected in a cocoon of pale starlight, the Super Wizard From Space blasted out of the tunnel opening at incredible speed. The wound in black reality mended behind him with a practiced flick of
Sharp super-lightening split across a sick dry sky as a lone yellow cab pulled up in front of a long abandoned university. The pale driver scratched at his unkept beard. Hunched over the steering wheel, he got a better look through the windshield at the derelict campus. "You sure this is where you wanna to be?" he gruffly asked the passenger in the back seat.
"I will not tolerate your
presence here. Nor your trickery. I will burn away every molecule. I
will crack every atom. I will unravel your infernal form down to the
minimalist components and grind the remains under my boot."
"Once upon a time, five dark lords of multiple underverses made the mistake of signing a series of magical contracts in an attempt to insure some level of trust between them. Inevitably, all five of them went back on their words and now the tangled wording of those contracts have trapped them in the stone sepulchres of Quinto-Hell."
The ashen remains of the gorgon sunk into the circling river of molten rock and disappeared down the sinkhole in reality, pulled toward the punishments of Triple-Hell. A bleating car horn sounded. The Devil tugged at the wizard's shoulder. "Come along, guv. Our ride awaits."
Somewhere in the dank musky darkness swamp, a single snapping growl was followed up by a chorus of hungry grumbles and hollers and howls. Jagged trunks of twisted trees creaked and cracked as something massive pushed through. Huge lungs filled up and expelled, making for a thunderous breathy bass echo.
Black glass and brittle shale and oddly shaped boulders all bashed against each other in the tornado ferocity of the space between conceptual realities. Every small piece was both nonexistant and an immense solidity to itself, dragging and throwing and colliding with its surroundings as the entire mess fell through infinite layers of fractal
Looking about, he could see endless desert interrupted by black stone squares, similar to the one they were taking refuge on. A long wind was blowing, picking up loose dunes, shifting them up and over and around in an ever-moving landscape. It gave everything a burnt look, a rising sea of sand that just faded without an horizon. The only thing cutting through the leather-colored sky was the sun, massive and oversized, ten times larger than it should be.
The Devil, The Secret Living Language, and the Super Wizard From Space stood upon a massive square of black stone half buried in blistering desert sands. "This is it, end of the line," the Devil announced.
In the seedy bowels of a seedy mining camp, Cephalo Paul roused from blurriness to found himself at the mercy of an unkindness of anthropomorphic ravens. The lot of them stood on four clawed talons, spoke through horrifying beaks lined with serrated edges, and had too many ruby-coloured eyes.
"My name is senior lieutenant Yuri Gigan Topithecus, last survivor of the once-mighty space-sasquatch race. I was a hero of my people and a triumph of my government, becoming the first of my planet to journey into outer space... and as I completed my first orbit in my prototype capsule, I helplessly watched the Super Wizard From Space destroy my world."
The Super Wizard From Space towed his wounded prisoner to a dying system in a lonely constellation. It was a place that had been full and vibrant when the universe was young, a very long time ago. Now, it's small, dense white star bled away its diminishing heat and weak light into empty space.
Across the vastness of galaxies, a nameless forager bee achieves a stable geosynchronous orbit with distant Planet M. The ladened insect has been in contact with appropriate representatives, has deposited it cargo. It now maintains a microwave relay with the surface, and only awaits permission from the Hive to open communications.
"I-hereby-challenge-the-Super- Wizard-From-Space-to-combat," spits out Emperor M, the bile broadcasted from his loudspeaker face, "and-you'll-bear-witness-to-it , you- insufferable-bitch."
In the clarity of the desert night, a single point of light smolders against the blue-black curtain. And it slowly grows the closer it gets, falling toward Us through immense distances. The Super Wizard From Space is coming to Planet M.
Emperor gestures back to the great monolith and declares, "At-the-behest-of-our-electronic-ennead, I've-entombed-the-Super-Wizard-From-Space-within-the-Pyramids-Of-Ka! His-power-will-feed-our-preservation-batteries-for-countless-cycles."
"The Szuper Wizard From Szpace is sztill alive. And He sztill has Hisz coszmic crown." We say it aloud. Not to anyone. To ourselves, as swirling shaking thoughts become cold and real. This is real. This is happening. "Why? Why have you done thisz?"
If you'll indulge me, I'll tell you a story about how some people ( who were much too smart for their own good, I'm afraid ) tried to find an easy, quick solution; by doing so, they doomed countless lives to AGES of suffering.
Now, I was halfway through a tale about countless doomed lives... and yes, my friend, I do know the difference between 'countless' and 'seven'. Those tragic academics were only the first direct victims of these newly formed cosmic crowns. What happened next was intended to prevent more loss of life, but it actually placed the entire universe in peril.
"Hello Dragutin. I wouldn't be here if things weren't desperate. But things are desperate, and seeing as you're partially to blame, I think it appropriate to give you the chance to resolve it."
Vaso sneers at the world below. "I don't trust Sixth Columnists, General. They're an unstable bunch, every lot of them. And they splintering apart. Hard to be sure what bent their worship takes."
"A swarm! A monster swarm! Oh! Oh gods, they were everywhere. They killed everyone. They stabbed them and killed them. And the dead changed into more and went to do the same. Stabbing and changing and stabbing. Everyone's gone!"
Long spear-length stingers, glints of wet toxin at the tips. Wide crystal wings banging against torsos, making thrumming thunder. It's a *blanket* of angry buzzing. Getting thicker as they crawl over each other. At me. Looking to smother me. Kill me. If I'm lucky.
"What I'm doing, it has to be done. Because someone has to do it. Because no one else is doing it. They're scared of what might happen. Scared of what they could lose. Scared of things they can't change. We can't live like that."
Do you have any idea how this looks? We aren't at war anymore. The tournament is supposed to *prevent* this exact sort of conflict from flaring up again. You can't just go around dropping armies on the *home planets* of the universe's seven super-races."
His ancient race long ago unravelled the laws of physics, and they then learned how to redefine them. They harvest fusion fire to sustain themselves, and they hollow out suns to build their private strongholds. They are guardians of the spaces they know and explorers of the spaces they don't.
Somewhere on Planet M, a forlorn survivor is losing her grip on her unusual authority. "I'm... what? A surrogate? A stopgate? Why keep me and then lie to me? Why save me and then despise me so much?"
"The philosophies of your unconventional brother go against your own... he would do _anything_ to ensure your safety. With his assistance, we will prevail."
Andy Dharma bent over the Stringer's prone body, wrapped both arms around his head, and with a single fast wrench, broke the super-wizard's neck. KRACK!
He'll head toward Genovefa. Maybe not immediately, but inevitably. She can't hide from him any more than he can avoid her. The Cosmic Crowns draw them together. Its a drive. Its a feverish heat.
"The Schrivener has the Crown. The cosmic tournament is between him and Queen Buzz. Walk away from all this devestation. Put an _end_ to this madness."
"That's exactly what I intend to do."
"We've _sztudied_ you for thiz entire Tournament! Without your cosZzmic weapon, you're no threat! You're little more than a ztubborn _nail_ for me to hammer down."
“Iz thiZs what you’re reduced to? A cockroach, sZcurrying and hiding underneath the firmament? If make Uz chasZze after you, We will bring the heavenZz down upon you.”
Reality stretches like canvas pulled taut. Time stutters and scratches and skips, between moments and months. The Wizard takes refuge within the umbra of the system's innermost planet, little more than a corner to be backed into.
"Born of cozmic power, with a mind the sZzize of the universZze... and you thought death would stop her? What szort of sZzimple idea did you take her for, that she'd die szo quietly?"
In the calm eye of it, I can just make out Melisende's massive shape, pacing and stomping and _screaming_ at them, her voice amplified overtop the cacophony. "Are you happy now? That'z it! It'z over!"
Playing tour guide's certainly been more agreeable than playing babysitter. As far as pointless distractions go. If nothing else, its been interesting visiting old haunts, if only to see what's left of them.